”Remember, we all stumble, everyone of us.  That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand.”    ~ Emily Kimborough

Couples Counseling

Is your relationship showing signs of wear and tear?  Are you noticing stuck patterns over and over again, where you are bickering or disagreeing?  Or, are you feeling emotionally cut off and living like roommates in a state of growing disconnect?  Is there an issue of infidelity, addiction, or abusive patterns that keep you from feeling safe and emotionally connected?

Often, when we are in these places, the core issue is not the same old argument, or just that “We have communication issues”, but is a question of, “Are you there for me?, “Will you turn towards me and respond to me when I need you to?”, “Do you have my back?” and “Can you please see me without blaming me?”

My couples work is guided by years of specialized training in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) an evidence based technique with excellent outcome research. I am here to  support you and your partner in understanding and changing patterns of frustration, arguments, ruptures, and lonely disconnection.

I will be right by your side to help you learn and practice new ways to reach out for and lean on each other, even during the most difficult of times. Helping couples reconnect is a joyful process for me, and you’ll experience how committed I am in our very first session together.

I’m here to help you rekindle your relationship, even when you have almost given up hope.

Using new relationship tools that work will change stuck patterns better than date nights – every time.

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT) has the highest success rate of any type of couples help in the world today.  A substantial body of research outlining the effectiveness of EFT now exists.  EFT has been validated by over twenty years of strong empirical research demonstrating its effectiveness.  Studies have found that 2 years post-therapy, 80% of couples have maintained their improvement, and 60% of couples are doing even better than when they stopped therapy.  These results are far better than results for any other form of couples therapy studied.

I use EFT because this model:

  • explains why couples get stuck in the same negative “dances” over and over again
  • helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
  • doesn’t judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
  • gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways
“Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing and finding deeper connection.  It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again.  Minute by minute, and day by day.”  ~ Sue Johnson, Love Sense

Where and how do we begin?

To start, I will meet with both of you in our initial session.  I will share a bit about the way I work, and there will be plenty of room for you both to share why you have reached out now for couples support. I ask questions that help me get a clear picture of what’s happening, without any blaming, shame, or judgment. I may ask some questions about your history together to get even a clearer picture. Both partners often report that after our initial session, they feel calmer, better understood, and even hopeful that their stuck patterns can quickly begin to change.

After our first few sessions, I will meet with each of you individually.  I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know more about you and your hopes and fears for your relationship.  I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history because these factors impact our couple’s therapy. I stay more in the present than I do in the past, and more focused on helping de-escalate the issues that brought you in together, as we quickly begin to learn what is needed to create change and safe connections.

Finally, we will all meet back together.  I will share my thoughts and reflections about what we have learned, and by now we’ll know even more about  the underpinnings of your negative patterns and stuck places.  We will begin to name the “dance” that seems to happen over and over, begin to work with relationship tools to create some new “moves”, and learn more about attachment, safety, vulnerability, and the power of connections in your relationship. Feel free to peruse my Resources Page for more information about creating secure connections.

Scheduling an appointment for couples work is a statement to yourselves that you and your partner are worth the effort it takes to change.  Please don’t let the negative angry patterns, sadness, or cold silences continue…. 
I’d like to help, before things get worse.  Call 925.520.5263 or email me.