Is your relationship showing signs of wear and tear? Are you noticing stuck patterns over and over again where there is bickering or disagreeing? Or, are you feeling emotionally cut off and living like roommates in a state of growing disconnect? Is there an issue of infidelity, addiction, or abusive patterns that keep you from feeling safe and emotionally connected?
Often, when we are in these places, the core issue is not the same old argument, or just that “We have communication issues”, but is also a question of, “Are you there for me?", “Will you turn towards me and respond to me when I need you to?”, “Do you have my back?”, and “Can you please see me without blaming me or turning away?”
My approach to working with couples is guided by years of specialized training and Certification in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT). I am here to support you and your partner in understanding and changing your patterns of frustrating arguments, ruptures, and lonely disconnection.
I will be right by your side to help you learn and practice new ways to reach out for and lean on each other even during the most difficult of times. Helping couples reconnect is a joyful process for me, and you’ll experience how committed I am in our very first session together.
Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has the highest success rate of any type of couples help in the world today. EFT has been validated by over 30 years of substantial research demonstrating its effectiveness. Studies have found that two years post-therapy, 80% of couples have maintained their improvement, and 60% of couples are doing even better than when they stopped therapy. These results are far better than results for any other form of couples therapy studied.
I use EFT because this model:
To start, I will meet with both of you in our initial session. I will share a bit about the way I work, and there will be plenty of room for you both to share why you have reached out now for couples support. I ask questions that help me get a clear picture of what’s happening, without any blaming, shame, or judgment. Both partners often report that after our initial session, they feel calmer, better understood, and hopeful that their stuck patterns can begin to change.
After our first few sessions, I will meet with each of you individually. I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know more about you and your hopes and fears for your relationship. I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history because these factors can impact our couple’s therapy. We’ll stay more in the present than in the past, and more focused on helping de-escalate the issues that brought you in together as we quickly begin to learn what is needed to create change and safe connections.
When we meet back together, we will share thoughts and reflections about what we have learned, and by now we’ll know even more about the underpinnings of your negative patterns and stuck places. We will be able to name the “dance” that seems to happen over and over, and we’ll begin to work with relationship tools to create some new “moves”, while learning more about attachment, safety, vulnerability, and the power of trust in your relationship. Feel free to peruse my Resources Page for more information about creating secure connections.