Couples
Counseling

Couples Counseling

Is your relationship showing signs of wear and tear?  Are you noticing stuck patterns over and over again where there is bickering or disagreeing?  Or, are you feeling emotionally cut off and living like roommates in a state of growing disconnect?  Is there an issue of infidelity, addiction, or abusive patterns that keep you from feeling safe and emotionally connected?

Often, when we are in these places, the core issue is not the same old argument, or just that “We have communication issues”, but is also a question of, “Are you there for me?", “Will you turn towards me and respond to me when I need you to?”, “Do you have my back?”, and “Can you please see me without blaming me or turning away?”

My approach to working with couples is guided by years of specialized training and Certification in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT).  I am here to  support you and your partner in understanding and changing your patterns of frustrating  arguments, ruptures, and lonely disconnection.

I will be right by your side to help you learn and practice new ways to reach out for and lean on each other even during the most difficult of times. Helping couples reconnect is a joyful process for me, and you’ll experience how committed I am in our very first session together.

I'm here to help you rekindle your relationship, even when you have almost given up hope.

Using new relationship tools that work will change stuck patterns better than date nights – every time.

My method

Emotionally Focused Therapy

Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy has the highest success rate of any type of couples help in the world today.  EFT has been validated by over 30  years of substantial research demonstrating its effectiveness.  Studies have found that two years post-therapy, 80% of couples have maintained their improvement, and 60% of couples are doing even better than when they stopped therapy. These results are far better than results for any other form of couples therapy studied.

I use EFT because this model:

1
Explains why couples get stuck in the same negative "dances" over and over again
2
Doesn't judge, shame or criticize; instead, it highlights hope and offers compassion
3
Helps us understand the emotions and needs that fuel this negative pattern
4
Gives couples a new way to connect in deep, meaningful ways

“Love is a constant process of tuning in, connecting, missing and misreading cues, disconnecting, repairing and finding deeper connection.  It is a dance of meeting and parting and finding each other again.  Minute by minute, and day by day."

— Sue Johnson, Love sense

Where and how do we begin?

To start, I will meet with both of you in our initial session.  I will share a bit about the way I work, and there will be plenty of room for you both to share why you have reached out now for couples support. I ask questions that help me get a clear picture of what’s happening, without any blaming, shame, or judgment. Both partners often report that after our initial session, they feel calmer, better understood, and hopeful that their stuck patterns can begin to change.

After our first few sessions, I will meet with each of you individually.  I like to schedule an individual session with each of you to spend more time getting to know more about you and your hopes and fears for your relationship.  I also find it helpful to learn about your family background and personal history because these factors can impact our couple’s therapy. We’ll stay more in the present than in the past, and more focused on helping de-escalate the issues that brought you in together as we quickly begin to learn what is needed to create change and safe connections.

When we meet back together, we will share thoughts and reflections about what we have learned, and by now we’ll know even more about  the underpinnings of your negative patterns and stuck places.  We will be able to name the “dance” that seems to happen over and over, and we’ll begin to work with relationship tools to create some new “moves”, while learning more about attachment, safety, vulnerability, and the power of trust in your relationship. Feel free to peruse my Resources Page for more information about creating secure connections.

Scheduling an appointment for couples work is a statement to yourselves that you and your partner are worth the effort it takes to change. Please don’t let the negative angry patterns, sadness, or cold silences continue….

I’d like to help, before things get worse.  Call (925) 520-5263 or email me.

Contact Me